No Matter How Hard

No matter how hard I try to get ahead,

My life is still filled with overwhelming dread.

It is never enough or what it takes

Yet the smile on my face is always a fake.

I am stretched to the limit with nowhere to go

I feel as if my world turns ever so slow.

With all the pressure and roles to fill

Each new month brings another bill.

Running in circles trying to make ends meet

What I wouldn’t give for a moments retreat.

For a life filled with strife and full of pain

My world is always cloudy and drenched in rain.

When will it stop, when will it end?

Is there a way for my life to mend?

The future is bleak with nothing to give,

Sometimes I wonder why I still try to live.

Giving up would be easy with a final goodbye,

But those left living would wonder why.

Yet it is a struggle to continue to fight

When darkness prevails over every night.

The need to forget, to heal and be whole

To be myself and fulfill my role.

The children who love me without condition

Keeps me from a path to sure perdition.

Though the way is dark and fraught with strife,

I’ll continue to fight and stand for life.

March 31, 2009

Conflict and Confusion

Frustration mounting
unable to think.
Conflict and confusion,
beginning to sink.
Misunderstanding,
no communication,
persons colliding,
lost in translation.
To feel again
and start to heal,
the need to talk
of something real.
Too much turmoil,
fear and pain.
Distrust of others
is a constant bane.
No more to doubt,
no fight left,
the drain of hurt
leaves one bereft.
Start anew,
move forward in life,
forget the hurt,
forget the strife.

For Misha
March 22, 2009

I Need the Sun

I need the sun to rise each day
to remind me there is always a way.
With each new sun the day dawns anew,
the beauty of the skies in vibrant hue.

I need to hug my boys as oft as I can
to remind myself there was always a plan.
For the love of a child is a marvelous gift,
each little smile causes my heart to lift.

I need to live where the mountains are near
as a reminder that there is nothing to fear.
They are steady, umoving and as old as time,
when I need peace it is their peaks that I climb.

I need a house that we can call home
to remind me I belong when I start to roam.
A home filled with laughter, kisses and love,
a place to be centered that fits like a glove.

I need my friends with their advice and concern
to remind me of things that I still need to learn.
They help me stay true to who I can be,
they point out the flaws that I may not see.

I need to forgive and get on with my life
as a reminder that everyone has their own strife.
Some say it is easy to forgive and forget,
by forgiving others I pay down my debt.

I need to sing, to read and to dream
to remind myself things aren't as bad as they seem.
By dreaming I discover how good life can be,
singing lightens the load and sets my soul free.

I need your smile at the end of the day
to show me the feelings that some can not say.
Words may be simple for some to fake
but the warmth of your smile makes my heart ache.

I need your comfort when ever you are near
to show me the feelings I can't always hear.
Your smallest squeeze or gentle caress
can help to calm my greatest duress.

I need to hear your voice when things are not right,
to remind me not to quit but to stand and fight.
The words that you say and the way that you care
makes my trials more easy to bear.

I do not need you to come save the day,
to be my hero or keep my problems at bay.
I need a friend who will laigh and share,
who confides in me when trust is rare.

I need someone with whom I can grow
who isn't afraid to let their feelings show.
Just seeing your love for the boys
fills my heart with so much joy!

I love you because you make me smile.
I love you because you walk the extra mile.
I love you because your pat of my heart.
I love that we will never part!

January 2009
dedicated to Tyler

Discovery

A new poem I wrote for Tyler called Discovery

Discovering a friend in whom you confide
After losing your trust of others who lied.
Brings new hope to a feeling that you thought had died,
A resurgence of love that swells like the tide.

Discovering that your heart had not been quite whole
Until you met the one who completes your soul
Brings new life to your heart as it fills a new role,
As part of a couple whose love you extol.

Discovering two people whose love makes them one
As they follow a course that has only begun.
With a love that may burn as bright as the sun
Their journey through life will be joyous and fun.

Discovering a relationship that was destined to be
That lifts up your spirits and sets your soul free.
Overcoming the importance of being simply a "me"
Giving more of yourself to a love you believe.

Discovering the concept of give and take
And how to fulfill the promises that you make.
Learning to live for another's sake
Whose constant love is never a mistake.

Discovering with love you gain a new life
Which softens your fears and eases your strife.
That never again will you walk alone,
That in your love you found a home.